1. Endings
"It just seems like you'd rather feel sad."
That was it for Sara. There was no reason for Daniel to be say that. None that she could understand, at least. At that moment, which was crowded with her tears, her only understanding was that words should not be allowed to cut so deeply, especially when there was no reason for them to be said.
"Just because you cry doesn't mean you're sad." Sara's face was already red and sore with crying. Her indignation didn't change the color at all. Daniel shrugged.
"Happy crying never made sense to me either."
"I'm not happy!" (Daniel almost laughed at this) "I'm not even really sad! The ending just got to me, that's all."
"But it was a sad ending-"
"I didn't even think it was that sad."
"It was a pretty contrived ending, yeah." Daniel smirked and crossed his arms. He had thought about putting his arm around Sara but he didn't approve encouragment of this kind. "But that's why it's even more weird you would cry."
This wasn't fair. Sara didn't deserve to be questioned this way. It was bald emotion she had displayed at the end of the movie. It wasn't physics class. There was no direct cause and effect in her crying. E !=MC squared where C=crying, or something. She didn't know. She wanted a glint in her eye as she wove for Daniel some harrowing childhood tale that leads up to this very point: to why she cries at the end of bad movies. Something so ridiculous it had to be true. Something told in hushed tones like the secrets of some ancient order. Like, maybe she was watching Logan's Run on VHS with her first "boyfriend" in elemntary school and near the end where all the people all crowding around Peter Ustinov so they can play with his hair or something, the "boyfriend" tried to kiss Sarh but missed and almost poked out her eye, however that would work it doesn't matter. And it'd be weird anyway becuase they were still in elementary school and Sara didn't even know much about kissing or romance and so she was completely, irrevocably scarred. for. life, and could never watch the ending to a movie without thinking of that tongue or nose in her eye and wondering why oh god why are boys so weird.
"It's not weird," she sulked. Daniel rolled his eyes.
"it's just the way the music goes at the end, and that fake drama it adds. It gets to me. Look what does it matter anyway?"
"You're basically saying you're manipulated by the movie. You're letting it get to you." No Daniel, actually, I'm not being manipulated at all. You see, this all starts with Michael York, who lives in the distant future, where people live happy lives free of sadness.
"And what really bothers me is that this is hardly sporadic behavior on your part. I think that nearly every movie we saw that has some vaguely sad ending made you cry. Even if they didn't have sad endings, you still cried." Except for the runners, Daniel, everyone is numb. The runners want to be free, to choose for themselves how to live. Isn't that beautiful?
"I mean, you're not particularly sentimental, Sara, so . . . Look, it's really not a big deal. I just want to figure out what makes you tick. It really seems like you want to be sad. That's interesting to me."
Sara was tired of being angry at Daniel, and her tears were almost dry. "Why would I want to be sad?"
"That's what I want to know." Daniel decided to put his arm around her this time. Sara just looked at him.
"I don't think you'd understand, really. I don't know if anyone could."
"That sounds hopeless," but Daniel didn't withdraw his arm. "Crying is pretty important. I'd like to understand the important things about you."
"It's really not important. I mean, it's as important as a lame movie with a corny ending. And it's not because I'm sad. Endings are just mysterious to me, I guess. It's like, it means time has passed and things have changed."
"Remind you of death?" But Sara shook her head.
"No. Maybe a little, but I'm not thinking about that. I think more about how things are perfectly wrapped up in endings to movies or books. Things are exactly the way they should be. That makes me cry because I'll never find that anywhere else but in stories."
Daniel withdrew his arm and scratched his head for emphasis. "What does that have to do with time passing though? LIke what you said just before?"
"Nothing I guess. It makes sense to me, though." Sara shrugged. Maybe she should tell Daniel about Logan's Run? About what it means to be free in the most simplistic, cheesy, and market-friendly way possible, and still feel good about it, to still know that you're crying only for yourself, because you feel like you should, and just not caring what other people think. Maybe he'd understand.
Daniel leaned back and peered at her. "That's really weird." He sneaked his arm around her back. "I'm sorry if I was kind of hard on you, but the whole idea of crying at these movies is really odd to me. It's so obvious to me what these tear jerkers are doing. I've really never felt the urge to cry at a movie. But, maybe you're just different, and that's it. It's a mystery, like you say, and so I'm glad I know at least that much about you. So, yeah, I'm sorry. I won't bother you about it again."
Sara smiled a little at him, but not too much. "You've really never cried at a movie? I don't know, I think everyone has."
Daniel grinned. "I knew you were going to ask that. I'll admit, I cried during Braveheart." Sara tried not to laugh but couldn't help herself. She even snorted a little and quipped "you're such a guy." Daniel explained, "Yeah, it's corny too, I know, but, the idea of fighting for your freedom, for what you love, even if you die, it's totally lame but I can be a total sucker for that stuff. Free to do what you want to in life. I mean, I'm an American. I feel like I have to embrace it. And what's wrong with wanting to be free, even in corny films."
Sara wrapped her arms around Daniel, but she was mostly thinking of where she had put her Logan's Run tape, and if she could find it tonight so they could watch it.
--------------------
Word of the day: Sporadic
That was it for Sara. There was no reason for Daniel to be say that. None that she could understand, at least. At that moment, which was crowded with her tears, her only understanding was that words should not be allowed to cut so deeply, especially when there was no reason for them to be said.
"Just because you cry doesn't mean you're sad." Sara's face was already red and sore with crying. Her indignation didn't change the color at all. Daniel shrugged.
"Happy crying never made sense to me either."
"I'm not happy!" (Daniel almost laughed at this) "I'm not even really sad! The ending just got to me, that's all."
"But it was a sad ending-"
"I didn't even think it was that sad."
"It was a pretty contrived ending, yeah." Daniel smirked and crossed his arms. He had thought about putting his arm around Sara but he didn't approve encouragment of this kind. "But that's why it's even more weird you would cry."
This wasn't fair. Sara didn't deserve to be questioned this way. It was bald emotion she had displayed at the end of the movie. It wasn't physics class. There was no direct cause and effect in her crying. E !=MC squared where C=crying, or something. She didn't know. She wanted a glint in her eye as she wove for Daniel some harrowing childhood tale that leads up to this very point: to why she cries at the end of bad movies. Something so ridiculous it had to be true. Something told in hushed tones like the secrets of some ancient order. Like, maybe she was watching Logan's Run on VHS with her first "boyfriend" in elemntary school and near the end where all the people all crowding around Peter Ustinov so they can play with his hair or something, the "boyfriend" tried to kiss Sarh but missed and almost poked out her eye, however that would work it doesn't matter. And it'd be weird anyway becuase they were still in elementary school and Sara didn't even know much about kissing or romance and so she was completely, irrevocably scarred. for. life, and could never watch the ending to a movie without thinking of that tongue or nose in her eye and wondering why oh god why are boys so weird.
"It's not weird," she sulked. Daniel rolled his eyes.
"it's just the way the music goes at the end, and that fake drama it adds. It gets to me. Look what does it matter anyway?"
"You're basically saying you're manipulated by the movie. You're letting it get to you." No Daniel, actually, I'm not being manipulated at all. You see, this all starts with Michael York, who lives in the distant future, where people live happy lives free of sadness.
"And what really bothers me is that this is hardly sporadic behavior on your part. I think that nearly every movie we saw that has some vaguely sad ending made you cry. Even if they didn't have sad endings, you still cried." Except for the runners, Daniel, everyone is numb. The runners want to be free, to choose for themselves how to live. Isn't that beautiful?
"I mean, you're not particularly sentimental, Sara, so . . . Look, it's really not a big deal. I just want to figure out what makes you tick. It really seems like you want to be sad. That's interesting to me."
Sara was tired of being angry at Daniel, and her tears were almost dry. "Why would I want to be sad?"
"That's what I want to know." Daniel decided to put his arm around her this time. Sara just looked at him.
"I don't think you'd understand, really. I don't know if anyone could."
"That sounds hopeless," but Daniel didn't withdraw his arm. "Crying is pretty important. I'd like to understand the important things about you."
"It's really not important. I mean, it's as important as a lame movie with a corny ending. And it's not because I'm sad. Endings are just mysterious to me, I guess. It's like, it means time has passed and things have changed."
"Remind you of death?" But Sara shook her head.
"No. Maybe a little, but I'm not thinking about that. I think more about how things are perfectly wrapped up in endings to movies or books. Things are exactly the way they should be. That makes me cry because I'll never find that anywhere else but in stories."
Daniel withdrew his arm and scratched his head for emphasis. "What does that have to do with time passing though? LIke what you said just before?"
"Nothing I guess. It makes sense to me, though." Sara shrugged. Maybe she should tell Daniel about Logan's Run? About what it means to be free in the most simplistic, cheesy, and market-friendly way possible, and still feel good about it, to still know that you're crying only for yourself, because you feel like you should, and just not caring what other people think. Maybe he'd understand.
Daniel leaned back and peered at her. "That's really weird." He sneaked his arm around her back. "I'm sorry if I was kind of hard on you, but the whole idea of crying at these movies is really odd to me. It's so obvious to me what these tear jerkers are doing. I've really never felt the urge to cry at a movie. But, maybe you're just different, and that's it. It's a mystery, like you say, and so I'm glad I know at least that much about you. So, yeah, I'm sorry. I won't bother you about it again."
Sara smiled a little at him, but not too much. "You've really never cried at a movie? I don't know, I think everyone has."
Daniel grinned. "I knew you were going to ask that. I'll admit, I cried during Braveheart." Sara tried not to laugh but couldn't help herself. She even snorted a little and quipped "you're such a guy." Daniel explained, "Yeah, it's corny too, I know, but, the idea of fighting for your freedom, for what you love, even if you die, it's totally lame but I can be a total sucker for that stuff. Free to do what you want to in life. I mean, I'm an American. I feel like I have to embrace it. And what's wrong with wanting to be free, even in corny films."
Sara wrapped her arms around Daniel, but she was mostly thinking of where she had put her Logan's Run tape, and if she could find it tonight so they could watch it.
--------------------
Word of the day: Sporadic
posted by Scott at 9:22 PM
2 Comments:
Okay, first story. I'm going to use the comments to leave a few notes on the story, to entertain and enlighten myself and you, gentle reader. Basically, these are notes for myself. If you want to contribute, please do. Let's make this a happy place, together.
It's a pretty sloppy story, I think, though it was meant to be an unfiltered story. I was nervous writing this: my body was actually shaking. I was thinking about how unedited this story was going to be; how this story is completely unlike what I usually write; how I had no idea where the plot was going, or what the characters were doing. Back when I wrote more, I would start tiny stories with just a sentence that sounded cool to me. I squeezed out a few good stories using this technique, but they requied heavy polishing after the first draft. Writing off the cuff is hard, almost dangerous, since it can foster many bad habits. This story in particular suffers from some of those bad habits. It meanders in the middle while I wonder how to end it successfully, but I was reluctant to delete any superfluous words or sentences. Much of this can be refined. That's the primary problem with the story: sloppy composition. Nevertheless, I like it well enough. It has a beginning, middle, and end, and the characters develop somewhat. It's not perfect, but it's adequate. That's as much as this blog needs.
Besides the composition problems, I think I tried a little too hard with the subject matter and the tone of the piece. This ended up being a story with pop culture references and a muddled style that belies poor writing. I shift perspective abruptly and incorporate the voice of Sara into the voice of the narrator. This isn't a strange technique, but I always feel I'm lacking grace when I do this. I find the same lack of grace in my handling of characters that are not white male nerds like myself, and in my handling of pop culture references. This lack of grace is also why I'm writing this blog. Practice is my anti-drug.
These are some of the problems I find in this story. I'm going to try to work on them. One more thing about this story, though. It's totally different from my usual style. I usually like adjectives more and eschew pop-culture references. This is a huge step forward for me in the sense that I am growing more comfortable with all the different tools of creative writing at my disposal. IF I want to write more stories in this McSweeney's style, so be it. I can. Even if it's not a very good story.
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